Okay – you read the title of this post and thought, “What is a ‘sliding door’ moment and why are my vows such a moment?”
Here’s a passage from Daring Greatly, one of my favorite books written by one of my favorite authors, Brene Brown. Read on –
What I’ve found through research is that trust is built in very small moments, which I call “sliding door” moments, after the movie Sliding Doors. In any interaction, there is a possibility of connecting with your partner or turning away from your partner.
Let me give you an example of that from my own relationship.
One night, I really wanted to finish a mystery novel. I thought I knew who the killer was, but I was anxious to find out. At one point in the night, I put the novel on my bedside and walked into the bathroom. As I passed the mirror, I saw my wife’s face in the reflection, and she looked sad, brushing her hair.
There was a sliding door moment.
I had a choice.
I could sneak out of the bathroom and think, I don’t want to deal with her sadness tonight; I want to read my novel. But instead, I decided to go into the bathroom.
I took the brush from her hair and asked, “What’s the matter, baby?” And she told me why she was sad. Now, at that moment, I was building trust; I was there for her. I was connecting with her rather than choosing to think only about what I wanted.
I am intrigued with that image of a “sliding door” moment – a moment that moves the relationship into deeper connection. If you think on it, isn’t it true that your wedding, your vows celebrates all the ‘sliding door” moments that have brought you to this moment in time?
And if you think on it, aren’t your vows a pledge to live life as one HUGE sliding door moment?!
A vow to turn towards and not away from each other. As simple and as ordinary as picking-up a hairbrush. . .
Are you thinking of writing personal vows to each other?
If so, I invite you to check out my book –