the most important vow of all

We love because it’s the only true adventure.

                                                                  Nikki Giovanni

Earlier this year I officiated the wedding of Kim and Theo (names changed). Kim had been married twice before with her second marriage ending in the death of her husband. Theo had been married once before and divorced thirteen years ago.  

They are now both in their 50’s and met on the dating site “Our Time.” Their first date was a week before the world went into lockdown last year.

When Zooming with them, I enjoyed their humor as well as their excitement for their elopement. Seeing them on Zoom, listening to them tell their story, they made sense to me. Of course, you’re a couple!

Later, though, I got to wondering – What does it take to go on a dating site in your 50’s?

What does it take to keep your heart open to surprise. To enjoy the surprise. To overcome the awkwardness + self-consciousness that accompanies surprise. 

I think it must take longing + courage + confidence + hope + a “what-the-hell” attitude.

I am in awe of Kim and Theo as I cheer them on.

They are remarkable. . .

And a wedding celebrates a couple’s remarkableness!

More, though. . .

I grew up in the Catholic faith and church doctrine teaches that marriage is once and for all. You’ve got to “get it right” the first time because there’s no divorce. 

But the truth is – in life there is no “getting it right” unless one lives and makes mistakes and hopefully learns from those mistakes.

Marriage is not about perfection.

Kim and Theo had three previous marriage between them and from each of those marriages they learned a bit more about what it means to love and be loved.

If you think about it, isn’t that what your vows are all about?

I will continue to learn how to love – to love you.

I know how to love and I know I don’t know how to love.

I will teach you how to let me love you.

I will let you teach me how to love myself – my life – our life.

We teach – we learn – we make mistakes – we love.

And in their vows a couple say – 

together, we will witness it all and together we will celebrate it all.

We bless – we hope – we live. . .


Life is worthy of our best – 

And so you pledge to summon forth your best from each other. . .

Are you thinking of writing personal vows to each other?

If so, I invite you to check out my book –

How to Write Your Vows: Giving Voice to What Is Deep Within


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