However richly inspired by love,marriage is a high wire act that is usually attempted by two nervous wrecks who just go for it, reeling with bliss and blind with the hots. The rest is work, faith and luck.
I like this quote, though I don’t think “luck” has anything to do with it.
Marriage is a conscious commitment. As such, a marriage will “succeed” or “fail” based on your generosity of time, energy and creativity. A marriage will “work” to the degree you are gracious in sharing your body, your thoughts and your feelings.
A wedding celebrates your commitment to being and becoming that generous, gracious partner.
Last week, I met with a couple to put the final touches on their ceremony. I asked how things were going and the groom said: “well, we’re learning to say ‘I’m sorry’ a lot faster than we used to!”
We all laughed. But, he did speak to an important issue – communication.
Relationship is communication. The heart of all relationships is communication.
Planning a wedding puts a strain on a couple. Perhaps you’ve noticed?!
The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the quality of the communication in your life.
To enhance the quality of your relationship, even as you deal with the craziness of planning your wedding, you need to listen to each other – really listen!
A couple came to my home for an initial consultation. We met in my living room. The bride and I were in animated conversation, while the groom tried his best to look interested. Then, out of nowhere, he interrupts and asks me: “Great TV – do you mind if I ask how much?”
The bride became annoyed that he hadn’t been paying attention to what she was saying to me – and the groom became annoyed that she was annoyed over “nothing.”
Ya gotta love it!
It has been said that listening is the greatest act of love.
If so, then perhaps the greatest thing you can do for each other while planning your wedding is to listen to each other.
Yet, this is where it gets tricky – for brides and grooms approach a wedding from different perspectives.
Sometimes, a bride and a groom will be paying attention to different details in the wedding planning. This means, they may not be listening to what the other is saying, since we only pay attention to what we find interesting.
The truth is that how you listen to each other now, as you plan your wedding, is a sure indication of how you will listen to each other the week after your wedding.
Do you listen to each other?
Or, better, do you feel that your partner listens to you? Really listens?
The Chinese characters for “listen” are:
Ear
Eye
Heart
Undivided attention
Think about it. Isn’t it true that when you really listen to someone, you are not just “hearing” them?
You are focused on them – on their face – on their body movement – on the gaps between what they don’t say.
Instagram. Facebook. Pinterest. Texting. We do business and live our lives in a swirl of information; but, how often are we actually listening?
During the planning of your wedding, there is no greater thing you can do for each other than to listen.
There is no greater thing you can do than to make time to really listen.
Try this:
- Make a date with each other
- Go some place you both enjoy
- Turn off the cell phones
- Talk
- Relax
- Laugh
- Listen to the concerns of your partner – those spoken and unspoken
- Remind yourselves why you are doing this craziness
- Plan. Plot. Prepare.
- Laugh
I once came across a card that said:
A friend is someone who hears the song in your heart and sings it to you when memory fails.
I know – it’s corny!
But, your “memory” is going to fail you as you plan your wedding.
It’s reassuring if you know that your partner has been listening and will remind you of what your big day is all about – even if they sing off key!
If you want tips on how to communicate in smart, healthy ways with your partner – during wedding planning and beyond – check out my book,
How to Plan Your Wedding AND Stay Sane!
OR –
Treat you and your partner to a communications coaching session with me.
Click HERE for details!