“Spiritual” and not “Religious”

photo: kallima-photography

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this,

in which there is no I or you,

so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,

so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.

Pablo Neruda

Most couples who tell me that they are “spiritual” and not “religious” grew up in homes that had some church affiliation. While a person/couple has drifted away from those early church rituals, they still believe in God.

They desire a ceremony that honors the sacredness of what they are doing without being denominational.

How do I craft a ceremony that honors that sacredness?

By keeping in mind the truth of what a ceremony is supposed to be about.

And what is the great “truth” of a wedding ceremony?

God is never found in a church building simply because it is a church building.

People bring God to a church building. So it is with a wedding.

Family and friends, knowingly and unknowingly bring God (the spiritual) with them to the ceremony.

It is their love, joy and wishes that make a ceremony spiritual .

A couple say to family and friends

“Come celebrate the great good we have found in each other, and bear witness as we give our word to each other.”

A couple enters into the mystery that is life and love when they give their word, their vow, to each other. 

The spirituality of the ceremony comes from recognizing and honoring that mystery.

In an age when talk is cheap, what could be more spiritual than to give your word to your beloved with an open heart?

The spirituality of a ceremony also comes from recognizing that family and friends become the “collective memory” of the day.

In years to come, they are to remind the couple of the love they bore witness to.

A wedding ceremony, when done right, renews and refreshes by reminding us of what life is all about – friends, family, love, loyalty.

What could be more sacred, more spiritual than creating that simple, yet profound oasis of a reminder?

All of this is the great and spiritual truth of a wedding ceremony.

And for me the “fun” part comes in working with a couple to create signature moments within the ceremony that highlight these themes and realities!

Are you thinking of writing personal vows to each other?

If so, I invite you to check out my book –

How to Write Your Vows: Giving Voice to What Is Deep Within

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