Make yourself necessary to someone.
After a menu tasting, Donna called me as she was feeling utterly dumbfounded. She needed a reality check.
Donna and her fiancé, Tony, selected asparagus as their main course vegetable. Donna’s mother, who went to the tasting, suddenly snapped, “No one likes asparagus; what are you thinking?”
Tony pointed out that many people like asparagus. Donna’s mother would not hear of it.
To appease her mother, Donna and Tony decided on eggplant. The mother was happy.
Yes, BUT, sometimes it all comes down to asparagus!
Donna decided to have a heart-to-heart with her mother and soon learned her mother was feeling left out of the planning.
She herself never had a wedding reception. She wasn’t necessarily a “Mom-zilla.” She just wanted to feel needed and her Donna had never asked for her help in any aspect of the planning.
The only way this mother knew how to get attention was to pick a fight over asparagus!
Why hadn’t Donna asked her mother for advice and help?
While she loved her mother she always struggled with her mother’s overly enthusiastic ways that slipped into being overbearing.
She was afraid that if she asked for help, her mother would overwhelm her.
After the asparagus incident Donna made it a point to get her mother’s input on more of the non-essential decisions.
Her mother was happy – and so was Donna.
As this story shows, it’s good and important to keep others’ feelings and wishes in mind.
However, it’s not in your best interest as a couple to be guided by the mantra, we don’t want to hurt anyone.
Especially in those decisions that are most essential to you!
If you want more tips on how to communicate in smart, healthy ways with your partner – during wedding planning and beyond –
check out my book,
How To Plan Your Wedding AND Stay Sane!
Treat you and your partner to a communications coaching session with me.