When I first meet with a couple they are (usually) excited about planning for their wedding. But then it’s not uncommon for the couple to reach out to me a few months later. They’re stressed and not enjoying the planning because they are not “on the same page.” They come seeking some pre-marital communication coaching.
The truth is – it’s very easy to be seduced by “crazy thinking” while in the throes of wedding planning.
To help you understand just how easy it is, consider these questions. How many do you nod your head to in agreement? How many can your partner answer with a “yes”?
- When stumped as to how to make some wedding detail perfect, do you get easily frustrated?
- Do you feel suffocated by all the things you never realized you should do for your wedding?
- Are you and your partner fighting frequently over wedding details?
- Do you feel that the planning is slipping out of your hands and into those of your partner, parents or vendors?
- Are you afraid to speak up and voice your opinion – to your partner?
- Do you spend large amounts of time consciously and unconsciously worrying about what your families and friends will think about your wedding?
- Are you feeling more confused than focused in your planning?
- Are you willing to sacrifice what you want for the wedding for the sake of pleasing your parents?
- Are you easily influenced when a vendor says that you “really should” consider a particular item related to your wedding?
- Are many of your decisions based on how not to upset or disappoint or offend people involved in your wedding?
- Are you spending more time worrying than laughing?
- Are you venting on people who are really not responsible for your decisions?
If you have more “yes” answers than “no” answers then most likely you are buying into one of more or these classic, crazy-making beliefs:
- It must be perfect or it’s no good.
- There are things you “should” do no matter what you want.
- There are situations in which you are helpless and have no choice.
- You are totally responsible for how family and friends feel.
So, how can you turn those “yes” answers into resounding “no” answers?
I suggest that you pick out the one crazy-making belief you most easily buy into.
Have your partner do the same.
Share your “craziness” with each other and consider:
- Why do you buy into this irrational belief?
- How does it make you feel?
- Does it help you with your planning?
- Does it make you feel relaxed? Confident?
- Do you think your stress could be reduced if you didn’t buy into this crazy-making belief?
- Why are you clinging to this thinking?
- What do you think is the worst thing that could happen if you let go of this belief?
Talk to your partner and find out what you can do to help him or her feel safer, calmer and more assured that all will be well. Learn how you can help him or her not so readily buy into their favorite emotional lie.
Only when you reject these crazy-making beliefs can
your wedding be a joyful event
grounded in your truth.
If you want more tips on how to communicate in smart, healthy ways with your partner – during wedding planning and beyond –
check out my book,
How To Plan Your Wedding AND Stay Sane!
Treat you and your partner to a communications coaching session with me.