Marriage = One Long, Grand Conversation!

photo: jesse leake


A happy marriage is a long conversation that always seems too short.

Andre Malroux


 true story

One night I grabbed dinner at my favorite local bistro. The staff knows me and brings me “the usual” without my having to ask. I was lost in a book when I happened to glance up and look across the room. Two tables lined the opposite wall.


At one sat a young couple in their twenties – laughing, animated.


At the other table sat an elderly couple in their seventies – talking, smiling.


I thought – now here’s a snapshot of marriage – not so much “before” and “after” as “early” and “later.”


Except for the wrinkles, little differentiated the older couple from the younger.


Smiling, talking, laughing.


The German philosopher Nietzsche claimed that in its essence,

marriage is one long, grand conversation


The simple truth is that a lifetime of hearty conversation is the surest sign of love.

I’ve officiated over one thousand non-denominational, inter-faith and cross-cultural wedding ceremonies and I’m now convinced that THE question every couple needs to explore before sending out their invitations is this –


What does your wedding celebration mean to you?


You need to be clear on your answer at the beginning of your planning because in the hubbub of organizing for your wedding day, it’s easy to lose sight of just what the day means to you and your partner.


In the chaos of planning, you’ll be surprised at how little time you have to talk to each other.


So at the beginning of the process, before you dive in, talk about the ceremony and your vows.

Go some place you both enjoy.

Make a date with each other.

Turn off the cell phones. 




Remind yourselves why you’re doing this craziness.



10 Questions You and Your Partner Need to Explore

Before You Lose Yourself on Pinterest!


  1. Who are your role models for marriage? Why are they models? How realistic a model are they?

  2. When people speak of your wedding, what 3 words do you want them to say? What 3 words do you not want them to say?

  3. Is your wedding day a beginning or a touch point in your life together?

  4. What was the most joyful wedding you’ve attended? What do you want to be the most joyful moment of your wedding day?

  5. Is your partner your life OR does your partner give you life?

  6. What makes your partner worthy of your love? What makes you worthy of your partner’s love?

  7. What are your expectations of each other? Do your expectations make each of you the best you are capable of being?

  8. What is your biggest fear for your life together?

  9. What is your definition of success? As an individual? As a couple?

  10. On your 25th wedding anniversary, what would you like to look back upon?


If you want more tips on how to communicate in smart, healthy ways with your partner – during wedding planning and beyond –

check out my book,

How to Plan Your Wedding AND Stay Sane!

OR –

Treat you and your partner to a communications coaching session with me.

Click HERE for details!







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