In this world without pity, when all the answers, they don’t amount to much,
you just want someone to hold onto,
you need a little of the human touch.
Bruce Springsteen
Sandy Malone, a guest blogger on the Huffington Post Wedding Section, wrote about how not to let a “momzilla” ruin your wedding day.
It’s a good posting. However, the comments of some of the brides fascinated me as many suggested you not fight your mom and let her have her way!
Well, although I’m not a bride, that kind of advice makes me feel queasy.
If you let your mother trample on your vision for your wedding will she be satisfied and let you and your husband (wife) live in peace?
I don’t think so.
I think she eventually will go on to tell you how to cook, keep house, and be a wife (or husband). And, then, when you have kids, I have no doubt she’ll weigh in on your parenting techniques.
Here are some questions I think you and your partner need to talk about at the outset of your wedding planning.
These are issues you need to consciously talk about and not take for granted.
The more clear you are in your answers, the better you’ll be in containing your mother (or father) in their efforts to hijack your day (and your married life):
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How do you deal with your parents? Revert to childhood? Become passive-aggressive? Argue heatedly?
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How do you express to them what you desire for the wedding?
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Are you able to explain why you want what you want?
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Is your wedding family-focused or-friend-focused? What are the implications for this?
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Have you asked family for specific help in any areas?
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What do you think are your parents’ obligations to you regarding the paying and planning of the wedding?
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How do you show your family thanks throughout the planning process?
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What are you willing/prepared to do if your parents do not go along with your ideas/wishes?
Your wedding celebrates YOUR life together – and sometimes a parent’s love actually can lose sight of that great reality.
You keep each other safe and sane by learning how to establish healthy boundaries!
If you want more tips on how to communicate in smart, healthy ways with your partner – during wedding planning and beyond –
check out my book,
How To Plan Your Wedding AND Stay Sane!
OR –
Treat you and your partner to a communications coaching session with me.