Have You Ever Asked Your Parents –

 

Love doesn’t sit there like a stone,

it has to be made, like bread;

remade all of the time, made new.

Ursula LeGuin

 

I recently officiated the wedding of a couple where the bride’s parents were in the midst of divorcing after thirty years of marriage.

 

I felt for the bride – and knew I could not imagine what she must be feeling and experiencing.

 

As I prepared for the ceremony, I found myself thinking about the bride’s parents.

 

I kept wondering – how will they feel?  What will they think during the ceremony?

 

Many of the couples that come to me were raised by single parents or within blended families. Perhaps that’s true of you and / or your partner.

 

I know this might seem like an odd question – or even an impertinent question, BUT. . . did you ever ask your parents why they divorced?

 

AND

 

Have you and your partner talked about what you are going to do in your marriage so as you don’t recreate the mistakes of your parents?

 

AND, if your parents are still happily married, have you ever asked them why?

 

I suspect their ‘secret’ is not a secret!

 

Have you and your partner talked about what you like best in your respective parents’ marriage and what you’re going to do to recreate it in your marriage?

 

And if you haven’t asked these questions, THEN why haven’t you?!

 

P.S.

And If you have been married before, have you and your partner talked about what you learned from that time and experience in your life?

 

Have you talked about how the mistakes you once made are not going to be remade?

 

The first duty of love is to listen.

Tillich

If you want tips on how to communicate in smart, healthy ways with your partner – during wedding planning and beyond – check out my book –

How to Plan Your Wedding AND Stay Sane!

OR –

Treat you and your partner to a communications coaching session with me.

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