When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
Two weeks after my ordination I officiated my first wedding. Beyond nervous, I was sweating and not just because it was a scorching New York June afternoon. I got to the church early to make sure the sacristan turned on the air conditioner (the church windows were sealed).
The church was packed – both the bride and groom were Italian and came from big families. Because it was a church service, the ceremony was slated to last about an hour. I’d rehearsed everything in my head at least a dozen times. I was anxious, but excited – this is what I had prepared so many years for.
Twenty minutes into the ceremony, I was dripping sweat under my robes. I noticed that family and guests were shifting in their seats. The bride and groom looked antsy.
I panicked. I was convinced that I was boring everyone! And so, I talked faster. With sweat pouring out of me, I decided to skip a reading; I cut out some prayers.
Finally, after what seemed an eternity, I zapped them with a blessing and pronounced them husband and wife.
Afterwards I hurried back to the sacristy and there found the sacristan embarrassed and apologetic. Turns out, he switched on the heat instead of the air conditioner. It was a humid 90 degrees outside and we all were trapped in a church that was blasting heat!
Throughout the ceremony, I thought I was sweating because I was nervous. I thought the guests were restless because they were bored.
Instead, we were all just ready to pass out from the heat! Later, at the reception, folks laughed and thanked me for having enough sense to cut things short.
This wacky story illustrates THE great truth ~
What we think influences what we feel
What we feel influences what we think.
Have you had to change-up your wedding plans? Silly question as so many of you have had to make changes!
It’s hard for me to imagine what you have been feeling these past many months.
Everything is heightened when you’re planning your wedding. Now everything is even more heightened in this emerging “new normal.”
What are you more aware of in terms of how you communicate together? Patterns – rituals – dance steps?
Are they working or not working for you? Are they getting you and your partner what you need from each other – or – are they tripping you up?
What are you telling yourself in terms of how you should and should not feel as you assess the viability of your wedding plans?
Are those feelings helping you navigate the stress of planning or are they adding to it?
Emotions are neither “good” nor “bad.” However –
Emotions either allow us to react to people and situations in a healthy way OR they trip us up and cause us to sabotage our relationships and plans.
Emotions that prevent us from acting in our own best interest are grounded in some very irrational thoughts –lies – that we play so often in our heads we’re not even aware of them.
There are Four Lies in particular that can cause you to stress out while planning your wedding.
4 Most Common Crazy-Making Lies A Couple Can Buy Into
• You believe that everything must be perfect in order to be good.
• You believe that your wedding should involve certain people and elements no matter how uncomfortable they make you and your partner feel.
• You believe that there are aspects of the wedding planning that you cannot control and that you must give in to.
• You believe that you – and you alone – cause the feelings your family and friends experience during the long process of planning your wedding.
Buy into one or more of these lies and you’re destined for MASSIVE headaches.
To “vaccinate” against these stress-inducing thoughts, consider –
- If your original version of “perfect” is no longer viable, what is another, different, distinct version of “perfect” you could create that is not simple “settling?”
- If you’re going micro, you’ll now be able to lose all those +1’s. Who are the 20 most important people in your lives?
- You can’t control the pandemic or the CDC. Everything else you CAN! Do you believe that? How does it make you feel?
- If someone is annoyed that they’re not invited to your micro wedding then you need to reconsider why they are in your life?? Seriously.
Confront head-on the 4 lies that most readily sabotage wedding planning and you and your partner will be able to reimagine a celebration that truly celebrates you and your life together!
If you want tips on how to communicate in smart, healthy ways with your partner – during wedding planning and beyond –
check out my book,
How to Plan Your Wedding AND Stay Sane!
Treat you and your partner to a communications coaching session with me.
Click HERE for details!