Two people fall in love, and decide to see if their love might stand up over time, if there might be enough grace and forgiveness and memory lapses to help the whole shebang hang together.
Anne Lamott
true story
Jeannie and Nelson (all names changed) were getting married at a four-star country club. Jeannie’s parents had agreed to pay for the reception. Two weeks before the wedding, her dad called to inform them that he rechecked his finances and was making changes to the menu. Without consulting with Jeannie and Nelson, he arbitrarily changed the surf-n-turf to chopped sirloin, cancelled the wedding cake and substituted it with just ice cream!
Jeannie was devastated but too embarrassed to express her anger with her father. Nelson, on the other hand, was livid as this was not the first time her dad had pulled an inexplicably nasty stunt on them. So, he decided to call the old man’s bluff.
Without conferring with Jeannie, Nelson informed his soon-to-be father-in-law that he and Jeannie were postponing the wedding until such times as they could afford their original plans. Now it was the father’s turn to feel embarrassed.
When Jeannie found out what Nelson had done, she took all of her anger out on him. A day later, Jeannie’s dad suddenly “found” money and the menu was restored. By now, though, Jeannie and Nelson weren’t talking to each other!
Often times, the hardest conversations center on parents – yours and / or your partner’s.
How comfortable are you talking honestly about your feelings towards your parents? Does your partner even know how you feel about their folks?
Sanity Saver Questions ~ for you and your partner to review
- How do you handle difficult conversations with your parents? Revert back to childhood? Become passive-aggressive? Argue heatedly?
- Have you been able to honestly talk to your parents about what you want and don’t want for your wedding?
- Have you asked your parents for specific help in any areas?
- What do you think are your parents’ obligations to your wedding in terms of planning and / or helping to pay?
- What are you willing and / or prepared to do if your parents don’t like your ideas?
- Is your wedding family-focused or friend-focused?
- How can you show your family thanks throughout the planning process?
Remember: You and your partner will keep each other sane by being united in your vision and being willing to discuss that vision with your parents, family, and vendors – together and individually.